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ZA SVE ZABRINUTE MAJKE
MAJKE SU NEUSTRAŠIVE, U VATRU BI ZA DETE SKOČILE I NIČEG SE NE PLAŠE! Ali od ovog straha umiru svaki dan polako...
Ostavi uključeno svetlo – kaže mi dok se na prstima iskradam iz sobe.
– Zašto, mila?
– Zato.
– Pa nije valjda da se tolika devojka plaši mraka?
– Molim te, ostavi upaljeno – ponavlja.
– Ok, ali poješće te komarci, samo da znaš.
– Neka će. Mama?
– Molim?
– A je l’ se ti plašiš nečega? Al’ onako baš baš?
– Ko, ja? Mama se ničega ne plaši,
dušo.
Mama se ničega ne plaši. Osim da ćeš mi porasti pre nego stignem da te dobro izgrlim i izljubim, i da ćeš mi iskliznuti iz ruku dok trepnem okom. Plašim se da se nećeš sećati dana koje smo proveli
zajedno, i da će ove naše godinice izbledeti kao stara hartija. Plašim se da će te sutra neki strašni pubertet uzeti pod svoje i da će te biti teško voleti, da ću zagledati to lice, tražeći nekakav trag onog ždrebeta što
je jurcalo kroz kuću, skakalo po krevetu, smejalo se, nekada davno.
Plašim
se da ćeš mi prebaciti jednog dana sve one stvari koje kćerke inače prebacuju majkama, nezadovoljna svojim likom u ogledalu, nesrećna zbog svih onih nesreća koje, nekako, idu u paketu kad imaš petnaest, šesnaest godina. Da ćeš mrzeti
svoj nos i kriviti mene zbog toga jer su tvoj nos i moj nos isto. Plašim se da ćeš bežati od mene kao od kuge, da ćeš me se stideti, da više nećemo pričati ni grliti se kao sada, da nećeš utrčati u kuću, baciti ranac na pod
i sva zadihana mi reći – znaš šta se danas desilo u školi?
Plašim se da ćeš se kriti od mene, da ćeš me lagati, zatvarati se u sebe, da više neću biti drag gost u tvome svetu, u tvojoj sobi. Treskaćeš
vratima, govoriti jezikom koji ne razumem, plakati za svaku sitnicu, tražiti svoja prava, odlaziti bez pozdrava, prkositi bez razloga. Strah me je da ćeš se promeniti, da ćeš gurati svoje stvari pod krevet, moje srce pod tepih, ostavljati nered
svud za sobom – prosute mrve, šolju s jogurtom, omote od žvaka. Da ćeš se obilato koristiti mojom šminkom, oblačiti moje stvari bez pitanja, terati kontru, dokazivati da si valjda jača.
Plašim se da ćeš se povući u sebe i da više neću umeti da te nađem. Da ćeš prekidati vezu svaki put kad uđem u sobu pod izgovorom da nešto tražim. Tražiću tebe,
a ti ćeš biti sve dalja. Onako kako sam ja svojoj majci bivala, a ona svojoj i tako redom. Strah me je da ću pričati, a da me nećeš čuti. Da ćeš, meni u inat, raditi protiv sebe. Da će te na brzinu smotati neki pogrešan tip, mulac
koji te ne zaslužuje, koji neće umeti da voli svaku tvoju pegu na licu i da ću zalud govoriti “nije za tebe, mila, možeš i bolje”. Plašim se da će te nešto boleti, a da nećeš smeti da mi kažeš. Plašim se
da ćeš jednog dana ležati sama, u nekom tuđem mraku i da neće biti nikoga da upali svetlo.
Plašim se da ću, jedne sparne junske večeri u 22:02, zuriti u sat i pitati se što te još nema. Da će mi glavom proći sve one strašne
slutnje na koje smo, mi, majke, pred bogom pretplaćene. Plašim se da ću te pozvati, tek koliko da znam da si dobro i da će mi uljudan ženski glas s druge strane reći da “birani korisnik trenutno nije dostupan”.
Plašim se da neću biti uz tebe – kada ti bude najteže. Da me neće biti ni kada ti bude najlepše. Plašim se da ću ti, kako život bude odmicao, sve manje biti potrebna i da ćeš me zguliti sa sebe kao staru, osušenu kožu. Bojim se da će proći godine pre nego me ponovo pogledaš i u meni prepoznaš sebe. Pre nego što, listajući albume, primetiš kako, gle čuda, na isti način sklanjamo kosu s čela, na isti način se smejemo, podižemo obrve, solimo supu, mrštimo kad nam nešto nije potaman i da će proći ledeno, kameno, bronzano doba pre nego što shvatiš da smo sličnije nego što možeš i želiš da veruješ.
Plašim se da ćeš ličiti na mene. Da ćeš nositi ovu istu tvrdoglavu crtu, kao beleg na čelu, da će te po tome poznavati i govoriti ti kako si “ista majka”.
Plašim se da ćeš zbog toga neke škole skupo platiti, a lekcije učiti po više puta. Plašim se i da nećeš ličiti na mene. Da nećeš umeti da grliš onako kako ja grlim. Da se raduješ životu onako kako se ja radujem. Da ćeš u želji da što dalje pobegneš od mene, dosadne, naporne, posesivne majke – pobeći i od sebe i da neću stići da ti kažem koliko te volim.
FOTO: PROFIMEDIA
Eto, toga se mama plaši. I to, onako – baš baš.
With that in mind, here are 11 films Dr. Solomon is recommending you watch with your daughters in 2011 that offer healing themes, life lessons and empowering role models.
11. The Boy with Green Hair (1948) - Joseph Losey film was part of the inspiration behind Dr. Solomon’s Cinemaparenting. The film stars Pat O’Brien and Dean Stockwell and centers on a boy that is rejected by a town after
his hair turns green. “The great message of this movie is that people have the right, the choice, to be different,” Solomon said. (Unrated, recommended for ages 7 and up.)
10. My Girl (1991) – Dan Aykroyd, Jamie Lee
Curtis, Macaulay Culkin and Anna Chlumsky star in this Howard Zieff film set in 1972. “Many parents and guardians have difficulty contemplating life’s most universal feature, death,” Solomon said. “They are terrified to talk about it
with their children. My Girl approaches the subject in a gentle, nonthreatening manner.” (PG)
9. Brokedown Palace (1997) - Jonathan Kaplan’s film starring Claire Danes and Kate Beckinsale tells the story of two women that
get arrested for smuggling while vacationing in Thailand. “You don’t want to make your children afraid of the world, but you do want to make them smart, cautious and aware of their surroundings,” Dr. Solomon said. (PG-13)
8. What’s Eating Gilbert Grape (1994) – Lasse Hallstrom’s film stars Johnny Depp, Juliette Lewis and Leonardo Dicaprio. It deals with prejudices, family obstacles and becoming an adult before your time.“This is a movie
with a lot of wonderful, healing messages,” Dr. Solomon said. “We heal when we get in touch with feelings that we don’t want to deal with.” (PG-13)
7. Steel Magnolias (1989) – Dr. Solomon says Herbert Ross’
film gives a “beautiful portrayal of the intimate relationship between mother and daughter.” Starring Sally Field, Dolly Parton, Shirley MacLaine, Darryl Hannah, Olympia Dukakis and Julia Roberts, Steel Magnolias is, according to Dr. Solomon, “a
touching movie that will reach inside of you.” (PG)
6. Terms of Endearment (1983) – James L. Brooks’ film shows 30 years of ups and downs in a mother/daughter relationship. “This movie is for those of you who
are having problems communicating with other family members,” Dr. Solomon said. “It’s also for those who are working at letting go of someone who has died.” Terms of Endearment stars MacLaine, Jack Nicholson, Debra Winger, John Lithgow,
Jeff Daniels and Danny DeVito. (PG)
5. Drop Dead Fred (1991) – Dr. Solomon calls Ate DeJon’s film, which stars Phobe Cates, one of his all-time favorite movies. Drop Dead Fred tells the story of a young woman and her rambunctious
imaginary friend from childhood. “You can act like an adult and have a job and get married,” Dr. Solomon said. “You can even have children yourself, but you will never feel like an adult until you come to terms with your past.” (PG-13)
4. Benny and Joon (1993) – Jeemia Chechik directed this film that stars Depp and Mary Stuart Masterson. “Benny and Joon is a love story,” Dr. Solomon said. “It teaches us that there is someone in this world for everyone.
This movie is here to tell you that if Benny and Joon can find each other, your special someone is just around the corner.” (PG)
3. Welcome to the Doll House (1996) – Todd Solondz’s film is about a girl named Dawn
played by Heather Matarazzo. Day in and day out, Dawn is made fun of at school. She is called “Dog Face” and “Wiener Dog” by her seventh-grade peers. Dr. Solomon says he was a bit like Dawn as a boy and was known as the “dumbest
kid in the school.” He hopes that anyone that watches this will no longer find a reason to treat Dawn, himself and others with such disrespect and disregard. “Be kind, not mean to others,” Dr. Solomon said. “Help, rather than hurt.
Be loving instead of hateful.” (Rated R for language and subject matter.)
2. Norma Rae (1979) – Martin Ritt directed this film that centers on a textile mill worker played by Field. The young single mother and agrees to
help unionize her mill despite the problems and dangers involved. “Every once in a while, we need to be reminded to stand up for what we believe,” Dr. Solomon said. “That’s what Norma Rae does for us: She makes us realize how important
our human rights are in this world.” (PG)
1. Pretty in Pink (1986) – Directed by Howard Deutch from a John Hughes script, Pretty in Pink finds the a poor but fashion-conscious Andie Walsh, played by Molly Ringwald, having
to choose between the affections of her best friend Duckie and a rich playboy. “Teaching children to be individuals with strong moral character can be a trying task for parents,” Dr. Solomon said. “Andie is a model of the kind of person who
makes the world a better place. She sticks to her beliefs. Her strong ethical and moral character won’t allow her to be torn from those beliefs by love or money.” (PG-13)